Are you a businesswoman, businessman? Have you ever felt the misgivings after letting someone go from your employ? Although I know that the reasons were good, were right, somehow it feels like betrayal. There is no true guilt, instead sympathy, doubt, sadness and regret.
Was there something else that I could have done to make it work? Could I have been more direct, more critical to somehow make her see, make her increase her effort, see what she could be... if only?
The potential was there, but little drive. How much time, how much teaching, how much parenting would it have taken to nurture it?
One part of me wants to be that mentor, that encourager, the one who doesn't care how long it takes. I just want to help her get from one place, one time, one stage to another. But that person doesn't work at my store. The person who does, knows that I must make decisions for the good of the store, the team, the customers who rely on us.
It was the right decision, but I still know that I let down a young woman, and entered myself into her story as either the critical professor or as the demonous villan... I know not which.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
New day.
Have you ever been amazed at how a single morning, dawning bright and clear, can change your whole outlook on life?
Suddenly my list seems doable (or at least partly doable, and partly ignorable :)
Suddenly hope is palpable, and joy right at the fingertips.
The blueness of the sky, and not just its blueness, but the fact that I have a level of freedom... that makes the difference. For once I can go out and actually drive and walk in the day, and breathe in the freshness of the green city we live in, instead of seeing it from a distance, cursing the heat that comes in through the windows of my store. Although I am working indoors at the church today, the drive in, and the walk to Tim Horton's to meet an appointment, that has made every difference!
Sometimes all I need is a simple change, a new visual perspective, a new physical reality to give me the small break that I need from the commonplace, the walls that have hemmed in around me.
Some might say that it is an illusion... a false reality. Nothing has really changed. My situations, that can at sometimes overwhelm me, remain. Yet we are beings embodied, embodied with emotions and thirst for the divine. Perhaps it was the connection with the bigger picture, the reality beyond my self, beyond my own life, that left me with a sense of freedom. Perhaps it is the connection with the divine in the blueness and the greenness, the air rich with life, but I feel alive, wealthy with possibilities for the day.
Suddenly my list seems doable (or at least partly doable, and partly ignorable :)
Suddenly hope is palpable, and joy right at the fingertips.
The blueness of the sky, and not just its blueness, but the fact that I have a level of freedom... that makes the difference. For once I can go out and actually drive and walk in the day, and breathe in the freshness of the green city we live in, instead of seeing it from a distance, cursing the heat that comes in through the windows of my store. Although I am working indoors at the church today, the drive in, and the walk to Tim Horton's to meet an appointment, that has made every difference!
Sometimes all I need is a simple change, a new visual perspective, a new physical reality to give me the small break that I need from the commonplace, the walls that have hemmed in around me.
Some might say that it is an illusion... a false reality. Nothing has really changed. My situations, that can at sometimes overwhelm me, remain. Yet we are beings embodied, embodied with emotions and thirst for the divine. Perhaps it was the connection with the bigger picture, the reality beyond my self, beyond my own life, that left me with a sense of freedom. Perhaps it is the connection with the divine in the blueness and the greenness, the air rich with life, but I feel alive, wealthy with possibilities for the day.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Experimenting.
I think I might now actually be ready to start blogging. Hard to tell, we'll just see how it goes.
How does one try to fit in all that we need to do, should do, are supposed to do in this life?
How can I work at two careers, love my husband, look after my mother, improve my health, exercise three times a week, keep my house clean and organized, contribute to the health of my community, have regular times of rest and relaxation, and maintain a vital, growing relationship with God?
How is this even possible?
Right now I don't even know if there is any way that this list can even be possible. Because really, this list, once the day gets underway, doubles, even triples.... Cars need to be repaired, groceries bought, gifts shopped for, Candlelight and Tupperware parties attended, bills paid, licenses renewed... need I go on?
Sometimes I think that the only reason that I am even standing up, is that my husband helps to pull a little of this weight. (Very, very little of the actual list... but his love certainly sustains my being... ok, that sounded pretty sticky, but it's undeniable.)
Seriously, what is the ideal? What is my ideal life? Can I really overcome those feelings of exhaustion and defeat after a long, long day in order to clean the house, go for a power walk, e-mail friends, moisturize my face, pay some bills, call my mom, read a few chapters in my Bible, and make love to my husband?
To quote a favorite movie,
"I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this question out into the void. Goodnight dear void."
How does one try to fit in all that we need to do, should do, are supposed to do in this life?
How can I work at two careers, love my husband, look after my mother, improve my health, exercise three times a week, keep my house clean and organized, contribute to the health of my community, have regular times of rest and relaxation, and maintain a vital, growing relationship with God?
How is this even possible?
Right now I don't even know if there is any way that this list can even be possible. Because really, this list, once the day gets underway, doubles, even triples.... Cars need to be repaired, groceries bought, gifts shopped for, Candlelight and Tupperware parties attended, bills paid, licenses renewed... need I go on?
Sometimes I think that the only reason that I am even standing up, is that my husband helps to pull a little of this weight. (Very, very little of the actual list... but his love certainly sustains my being... ok, that sounded pretty sticky, but it's undeniable.)
Seriously, what is the ideal? What is my ideal life? Can I really overcome those feelings of exhaustion and defeat after a long, long day in order to clean the house, go for a power walk, e-mail friends, moisturize my face, pay some bills, call my mom, read a few chapters in my Bible, and make love to my husband?
To quote a favorite movie,
"I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this question out into the void. Goodnight dear void."
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